I love that you can look at this...

And know that it's me.  Why have I only met you now?  Why am I so unwilling to give myself to you?  Why am I so young and stupid and hormonal and horrible?  Wouldn't being hormonal make me want to be with you?  So why do I not? It's not that I don't want to.  I feel like I'll hurt you.  I feel like I'll hurt you.  I'll hurt you.  You're so perfect.  You know.  (and yes I know, you're not perfect, but) You're perfect.  Ugh.  I'm so dumb.  But I don't want to scar the unfathomable perfection.  I can't do it.  But I would.  How adolescent.  Why am I writing this on here.  I've usually been careful not to tell too much about myself.  I wished you would know it was me.  Why did Rumplestiltskin play his game?  Did he wish his name would be guessed?  Was he tired of hiding?  I want someone to know my secrets.  Even if I can't tell them.  Because being alone is so hard.  And I've tried so very hard to keep myself that way.  At least that's what it looks like to me.  Life is so complicated...

~another musing of the ill-informed~

Paradise

I recently watched Up, a movie that shouldn't make you sad but it does.  The guy is sitting in his house/Ellie right next to Paradise Falls, the almost exact place he wanted to end up in life.  He had reached his goal.  And yet he was sad.  Because somehow he knew that it wasn't right.  He happens upon Ellie's adventure book once again.  And finally turns past "What I'm Going to Do" and sees what her Paradise Falls is.  And he realizes that he's been there all along.  For as shy as Carl is, his true paradise is in his relationships.  Which is interesting.  Because Carl will run away from any relationship he could possibly encounter and tries to push everyone and everything away from him, trying to create a bubble around him. I'm not sure why this is.  Nothing happened in his life, as far as I know, that would make him like this from the start.  It just doesn't make sense.  And here I thought I was going to write about how paradise is all around us, we just don't know where to look.

~another musing of the ill-informed~

Why do people want the world to end so badly anyway?

Since the beginning of the world, there have been many prophecies of the end of it.  The most potent being the bible.  But that isn't exactly the end of the world, so to speak.  But I digress.  My question is, why do people want the world to end so much?  So they have motivation to achieve their life goals?  So they can gloat over other people feeling misery?  The guy who just predicted an end supposedly became rich.  Kind of ironic if you're preaching the end of the world so that you can get worldly riches.  The bible even specifically says that no one will no the time or the day.  So how can these people possibly predict it, especially if they're Christian.  Just doesn't make sense to me...

~another musing of the ill-informed~

Why do people not like me?

I go around places and I just see how people act with me and how they act around other people (for some reason I don't find it hard to be invisible when other people are having fun right in front of me), and through many many months of deliberation, I have decided that people do not like me.  They are not my friend or even accomplice.  And I try so hard to be nice to them.  I do stuff for them, I'm myself around them.  And it just isn't good enough.  So naturally I figure there's a reason.  Well I found it.  And it's my fault.  There is just something about me and the way I act that makes other people not want to be around me.  Other people are with their friends all the time and they seem happy.  But they don't want to be around me.  Sure they talk to me sometimes.  But I don't think they want to.  And sorry for writing this entirely self-centered thing, but this is my blog.  I should be able to write whatever I want on here.  But I don't usually.  Actually, most of the time I do.  Sort of...

~another musing of the ill-informed~

Annoyingness

I volunteer to referee soccer games sometimes.  I did something like 50 games in the past year.  I volunteer to referee a tournament this weekend, but my availability is limited to only saturday before 2:30.  So of course I only get 1 game at 12:00.  I usually get 5 games or more a day at tournaments.  I've even done as many as 8.  So then when I try to get extra games because I don't want to waste my time, I don't look at the date and don't see that the games are on Sunday.  So I hurriedly decline them and get a nasty letter from my assignor telling me that she should take the game I have away.  And you know, I declined putting out my availability to other tournaments because of this one...something tells me it was a waste of my time.  Oh well.  I'll just referee my one game this week and not get tired at all.

~another musing of the ill-informed~

Holocaust

Why did the Holocaust even happen?  It served no political pupose whatsoever, except perhaps to swing the public into hatred against a group.  It seems to me like Germany trying to make other countries DO things.  Like when children hit a boy, make him crazy, say look, "he's so big, but WE can make HIM DO THINGS!"  It's all about control

~another musing of the ill-informed~